Alone

Sometimes its hard to be alone. Sometimes I feel like no one can understand how I feel. This place where I sometimes fall, the feelings of loneliness I can only try to explain.... But Jesus understands how it feels to be alone, even more than I do:

The Garden of Gethsemane

The Bible says that Jesus told his disciples,

"My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me." (Matthew 26:38)

Yet, they fell asleep. Even when Jesus told them how grieved He was! His earthly friends! His best friends were not there for Him in His hour of pain and struggle. And guess who betrayed Him? One of His best friends. Can you imagine? Oh, I start to cry when I think about the pain He went though. Jesus didn't only suffer physically but He suffered emotionally too. Sometimes pain is easier to bare when you know someone's right there with you. But His friends were not. Jesus not only was alone, "earthly" speaking, but He went through a time where He was separated from God as well. What sacrifices Jesus made!

My feelings of loneliness are not all that bad because I know I have God. A God who is right there caring for me and working out His perfect will in my life, for my good and His glory (Romans 8:28). I do not even want to imagine not having Him.

Talk about a point of despair and pain. Jesus went through all that so that we could have communion with Him on earth and live eternally with Him in Heaven. Jesus knows what it is like to be completely alone. He understands more than we will ever know. He's been through the pain of rejection, and having no one care, and yet His love for us was/is stronger than His own personal comfort. He sacrificed so much.

You are never alone without someone who cares and understands.

The Beginning ...

How amazing God works!

I am overwhelmed by the power of the Holy Spirit! PRAISE JESUS! How much He has taught me! How much He is teaching me!

“for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure”

Philippians 2:13

The past several years of my life God has taken me on a journey. He has challenged me and taught me things that have shaken the very foundation under my feet. A foundation I thought was so “righteous” and “godly”. How amazing God is to allow me to see my foolishness, and not stop with showing me some (for I have many more to go) areas of wickedness and pride in my life but He has given me a way of escape.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you might be able to endure it.” 1st Corinthians 10:13

God has been working in my heart in these areas: Legalism (works oriented life), fear of man, lack of faith, lack of love for Him and for others (which later I learn all are closely knitted together). How God has shaken my comfort boat! And I pray He never stops.

About 4 years ago God revealed to me a very unhealthy lifestyle. My fear of failure and my grossly unhealthy understanding of who He is. This sin had taken root in a very, very legalistic lifestyle. A fear and a sin that had basically crippled my faith. I lived in constant fear of messing up, messing up is inevitable, but that fear constantly challenged my beliefs and the security I had in my salvation. To share one example of how far I had fallen from the truth: I had a fear that if I forgot read my bible before going to sleep EVERY night, I would condemn myself to hell. How foolish, how childish! That is only one of many examples (it is one of the more extreme). How could reading my bible save me? How could anything I do save me? God graciously showed me that I was living a “works based salvation”. I was thinking in my pride that I had to “measure up” in order to secure my salvation. PRAISE JESUS FOR A REVIVAL IN MY SOUL!

“For Grace you have been saved through faith; not not of yourselves, it is a gift of God; not as a result of works, that any man can boast” Ephesians 2:8,9

“even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all those who believe, for there is no distinction; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus” Romans 3: 21-24

I can go on and on with verse after verse. But through it all God has been changing my heart. He has been showing me that I can not save me. He alone can save me. His sacrifice alone has paid the price for my sins. This is only the beginning...